Oneyearmuse Brand - Origins & Meaning (non-fiction)

 

The above branding idea came from an Alternate Reality Game I wrote back in 2010/11 called Missing Wallace it was based upon a Pictish Symbol Stone found in Abernethy, Scotland, UK.  The original stone looks like this:

The description and history:

Abernethy 7th century Class I Pictish stone with incised symbols: a 'tuning fork', blacksmith's hammer, anvil, crescent & V-rod. The trimmed & reused stone was found in the foundations of a house. It has been placed against the wall of 11th century round tower beside the churchyard gate. Dark Age site associated with a vanished Pictish monastery, the compiling of the Pictish king-list & the return of Irish clergy to Pictland in the 9th century after Viking raids.

This stands below the Round Tower by the gate to the church. It was found in the village in the foundations of a house and was then set in the wall of the house,and moved to it's present location probably 1950s. It lost its top and bottom when it was trimmed to fit its former location. 

In my game, the stone gives the user great power and in reality archaeologist's and historians supposedly do not know what it is to meant to signify.

My Theory

V-rod

The V-rod represents the Cup considered to be a feminine element or it just means there will be beer here, however upon actual research there is not much actual evidence to prove that.  The Internet is pretty sparse on that subject unless you think The Da Vinci Code book is fact. 

Crescent Moon

Is this perhaps a time of the month when the Picts get together or it is a time of the month when women are most likely to conceive children or both?

Tuning Fork

Does this mean a piano tuner will be on hand to tune your stones or does it mean there will be music?

Hammer & Anvil

A place to fix to your horse shoes (they date back to 400 BCE), or a place to leave your horse whilst you attend the Pictish party?

Dating App (Slab)

Was this stone originally placed as some sort of early dating app or place to meet other liked minded individuals who just want to PARTY!

Side Note

I was recently watching the 2018 BBC series Civilisations and in the first episode they are showing the Spanish caves where some of the first cave paintings were found.  They also found musical instruments made out of animal bones and a spinning rectangle.  The narrator said that this was obviously a sacred place.  The acoustics in caves would have created a perfect environment to play music, there were large open areas and some smaller areas.  To me that suggests the perfect first night-club, open areas to dance and small ones to get better acquainted.  Will later historians view today's night-clubs as sacred spaces too I wonder?

The Nine Cometh

Flotsam

Arrival

From leaked government documents we know that nine days prior to their appearance on Earth a dark ship appeared in geostationary orbit above the north Pole it's exact dimensions were unclear due to its stealth qualities however it was very big indeed. The ISS spotted it first and some conspiracy theorists point to an interruption of signal as evidence of NASA trying to hide its existence.

The first three appeared hovering some nine meters above the ground in Parliament square, London, the lawn where Marine One lands by the Whitehouse in Washington DC and Moscow square. There was no displacement of air which would of caused a significant wind, they just appeared out of thin air.  Nine mile high ships for their exact dimensions see below.  Nine days later another three appeared in Syria, Israel and China.  Nine days later the last of the nine appeared partly submerged in the Atlantic, Pacific and Indian oceans.

The reason for the lack of air displacement was due to the fact they were not quite solid.

Reaction to the Nine

When the first three appeared money & stock markets crashed. Then crashed twice more during the nine day intervals of appearance.  The world held its breath waiting for the Nine to make the first move. Nothing happened.

Dimensions and Initial Analysis

Each of the Nine were nine miles high, 90 meters square with a nine meter high boot like projection at the bottom and top of what was considered to be the ships. When all nine had appeared the ones that were hovering above the land, touched down with no impact tremors.

The UK contact team sent in a mini tank drone to only discover that the ships were not actually solid.  The drone passed straight through the ship and appeared on the other side.  Whilst inside the video and audio was pure static although the contact team had no problems with the GPS signals coming from the drone.

At night one of the ships would glow blue with a vein like structure across the surface of ship whilst during the day it was completely dark.  Each night the blue glow moved to a different ship.

The UK contact team sent their drone through a second time when their ship was blue.  They lost their signal connection to the drone nine seconds after it crossed the threshold. Fortunately the drone was programmed to retrace it's path if it received no commands after five minutes.  The drone that came back was almost frozen solid it did not completely make it over threshold.  It had to be lassoed with a iron cable and pulled back.  One of team members received ice burns when he touched it without gloves.  It was several hours before they managed to recovered any data from the camera.

The video recorded showed a small crater covered in what looked like a white powder and off in distance in the sky was the Earth.  The drone had traveled to the Moon.

The ship was not a ship it was a gateway to the Moon!

Further Analysis

The other ships proved to be gateways to planets within our solar system however the ninth Gate the one in Israel showed a binary star system which was eventually matched up with a star system some 20 million light years towards the galactic center of the Milky Way.

Israel's aerial drone discovered another series of Gates on the exoplanet and that the air was breathable therefore habitable by humans.

The Gates stayed on with bidirectional travel for nine hours and then shut off instantly. The distance to travel was nine meters in any direction after crossing the threshold.  A number of experiments were conducted to see what happens to organic and non-organic materials left within the travel zone (TZ).  All items left in the TZ just vanished never to return.

Shifting Powers

Israel realised that the power that shifted dramatically in their favor and that the old geopolitical power-bases would be circumvented through the use of the Nine.  However Israel were in for a serious shock, fortunately nobody was killed during the planned manned excursion through their Gate.

It was discovered that every nine days each Gate's destination shifted to a different location, so that when Israel's excursion occurred they found themselves to be on the surface Europa one of Jupiter's moons instead of in a different star system.  The recon team were wearing pressurised environment suits in case of infection or usual phenomenon although one member nearly broke her leg on a giant ice fissure that opened upon their arrival.

Basically this meant no one country had exclusive access to a particular Gate's destination.  For three years the international community argued and in a couple of cases attacked science stations established on Mars.  Eventually however a new World Government body called the Janus Gateway Foundation was set up to manage all travel through the Gates.

Medical Benefits

Passage through the Gates removed all biological infectious agents, it also appeared to cure or stop the spread of various diseases throughout a person's body including cancer.  This was discovered by chance when a dying but extremely rich man traveled to the exoplanet.  This man now runs the Non Profit Medical organisation Nightingale in partnership with the Janus governing body.

Jetsam

Religious Reactions

Many different faiths collapsed under the revelations of the Nine whilst a couple renewed their faith and several new religions were formed including the End Times cult or to various intelligence agencies just ETC.

The ETC bombed the China Gate whilst it was active, no one barring ETC members were hurt.  It is assumed that the bomb went off prematurely whilst two ETC members were in the TZ.  The other seven members were shot dead whilst defending the Bombers passage through the threshold.  The Gate shut off instantly and stayed off for seven hundred and twenty nine hours just over thirty days.  There was no secondary indicators external to the threshold that the bomb had exploded.

ETC believed that the Nine were sent from the Devil to make way for his armies of demons. They used the book of Revelations to explain that the Nine are in fact the Beasts of Earth & Sea:

"John saw it "rise up out of the sea, having seven heads..."
"two horns like a lamb.."

Other religions and conspiracy theorists used the number nine as so called evidence that the Makers of the Gates had visited Earth previously and embedded the significance of the number so that we would recognise the coming of the Nine as a good thing.  Many however ascribed to the more obvious and simple answer in that it was just a coincidence.

Later Analysis

The Gate system on the exoplanet has eighteen gates and the sequencing of the gates proved to be far more complex than those on Earth.  Instead of just a blue glow there were two other colours: Green and Red.  This Gate system has two interstellar destinations whilst the other sixteen were local to the binary system.

Makers

It has been speculated that the Gates were created by an extremely advanced civilisation that are possibly extinct however until the entire Galactic network has been explored nothing is certain.

It has also been postulated that the network is still being built as evidence of their arrival upon Earth.  Possibly by self-replicating machines traveling at sub-light speeds to each habitable system slowly expanding the network through the Milky Way.

At present there has been no communications with the Gates or their creators

Is the future ours or we being subtly nudged down a new path?

The March of Rogues (A Runequest Story) - Part 3

Real World Summary

From 7 to 23:23

 

Upon the 29th June 2019 a nerd evening occurred with five players, one onlooker and a Dungeon Master.  The game was Runequest which is a varient of Dungeons & Dragons. An overhead projector to show fancy moving maps using Dynamic Dungeons created with Unity Graphics (see below) was employed and enjoyed by all.  The use of Lego figures added to the realism along with some very small black monoliths posing as goblins.  Sadly these events how now been lost in history however the author has managed to piece together a short summary.

A more detailed evening on the 30th August appears also below.

Author's Note

Due to changes in the reality matrix the following names are changed in accordance with bardic lore of Naming found in paragraph 9 sub-section 18.

• Conahan the Barbiran changed to Isa (Dud asked Is a what? No reply was given)
• Ang to Red
• Big Job to Big Bob
• Quiet Man to Treyvere
• Weird Stick Man to Brella (although that is just what Dud calls him, the rest just say Um)

Summary

The Rogues had an attack of sudden gold appearing from coffins in the crypt, they left via tunnels below the castle only to be attacked by a Goblin Horde (well okay maybe not quite a horde).  Eventually they made it out and found themselves in a village which have had their men pressed ganged into the war (its more of a siege really). Dud and co visited a Witch who provided Dud with lost memories of a lost love along with a song that's very catchy.

In attempt to pass on their stolen gold goods they traveled to Westryer via a Stone Circle (magic portal to you and me) to find Fen the Fence. Only to discover he had taken a ship to Norhye a city up north and there was not another ship for a week.  They returned to the village.

Norhye or Bust

After much discussion back at the village it was decided that the party should travel via the main road to Norhye despite Dud's many suggestions that they should use the Stone Circle to get their quicker.  And for a small amount of time this put Dud in a bad mood and with bad moods comes mistakes.

Dud is on the second watch, they had been traveling only a day down the road which according to Dud is more likely to have soldiers on than if they had taken the shortcut through the woods which just so happens passes the Stone Circle.

He had wondered away from the fire in an increasing circle, he hears something and turns to face back down road.  Instead of raising an alarm he ventures towards the sound only to confronted by a wolf which tries to bite him.  He jumps back and two more wolves appear on either side of him.  He uses his sling to throw a stone at the lead wolf which takes out the wolf's left leg.

Dud shouts and boy can he project his voice when he wants to, "Alarm, alarm!!!"

Meanwhile Big Bob had chosen to sleep under the cart to protect the goods hidden within the cart.  He woke up to Dud's shout but decided to snooze a little longer.  Before he could close his eyes he saw a wolf appear out of the trees and head slowly towards the cart.  Big Bob pulled out his spear and skewered the wolf in short order. 'Oh! Well! I'm up now.' Big Bob thought.

Treyvere was by the fire asleep and dead drunk.  Brella jumped over the fire towards wolf coming from the front. Red and Isa came out of their separate tents (who knows about women anyway) and attacked the wolves that had appeared to right of Dud.

A wolf hits Brella directly in the head (what with his wet nose) anyway Brella is knocked out and wolf despite millions of years of evolution chooses not to eat him.  Of course being shot in the eye by Isa may have something to do with it.  Red kills another wolf.  Dud has discovered a knack for hitting wolves on their left legs turning them all right-pawed.  He also tried to blinding them with a light spell which only briefly illuminated the surroundings.

The pack however had decided that the easy pickings were not so easy and retreated.  Big Bob picked up the dead wolves, skinned them and cooked them on the fire.  Treyvere woke up briefly, "Did I missed something?"

To those that can see up above this action much fried chicken was consumed.

Trollgate

In order to get to Norhye they had cross the river or travel back to the castle where a war/siege was going on.  The Old Toll Gate Bridge when it came into view looked impressive (see pics below) and the bridge was truly amazing.

When the party arrived a short man came out of the main building, "Where b thee going then?"

Dud always eager to talk to new people, "We are going across the bridge of course to Norhye."  The man looked at the party and then their cart.

"Your cart is empty, nobody goes to Norhye with a empty cart."  Dud tried explained that it had just previously contained them whilst Big Bob pulled it.  Big Bob however was not interested.

"Is this an Inn do you have beds?"  At this the man's eyes lit up and replied, "Yes we have rooms, why don't you take your empty cart round back.  Don't go near the barn and make much noise."

The party followed the cart and Big Bob's eyes widened at the sight on a Cave Troll sleeping very loudly in the barn.  The troll was as tall the Toll Gate which was three stories high.  The party left quietly and entered the building to find trestle tables and a bar to which Treyvere instantly found the only unbroken stool.

Big Bob said, "How much for the night?"  The Bridge keeper said, "One gold piece each."  Big Bob exploded, "Are you mad that would pay for the entire building ten times over.  I'd rather sleep with the troll!"

Dud jumped into the rescue and cast a glamour spell on Red to make her even more beautiful than before, "My friend Red here would like to suggest a better price for you."

The keeper despite being enamored with Red's beauty would only add in free and beer for the night for the same price.  Big Bob stomped off to the barn.  The keeper brought out fish stew which everyone barring Dud couldn't stop eating.

Dud does not like fish at all, the keeper asked again about their journey, "Why do you have an empty cart?" But no one was really paying attention but Dud noticed that keeper looked worried.  The keeper brought out more food and beer and went up the stairs.  Dud followed because he is well very curious.

In the barn Big Bob had woken up the Troll and was conversing in the Trollish language.  The gist was the keeper had chained him to stop him from wandering but to also insure that the visitors or people crossing the bridge would pay their bills. The troll stayed because he had a roof over his head. Before that big bridge it was his bridge many many years ago.  Big Bob soon realised that this was just a cave troll but a Ancient Cave Troll as if a standard troll was not dangerous enough. 

Big Bob shared a dead wolf with the troll, in turn the troll picked up a huge barrel of beer in its hand which made the barrel look small in comparison and put it front of Big Bob.  The troll poked his finger into the top.  Big Bob smiled and wondered idly how to drink it.

Dud had slowly followed the keeper the up the stairs all three flights to a hatch in the ceiling which Dud peeped through to see the keeper with his back to Dud.  Dud however could see the glistening of gold and bottles of potions.  He came slowly out of the hatch in the floor, draws his pugio (short dagger) purely for protection of course you can never tell with people.  Dud is directly behind the keeper and suddenly the keeper steps back straight onto Dud's dagger and instinctively Dud lunges forward pushing the blade further in.

Back in the barn Big Bob and the Troll hear a curdling scream from above, the troll turns its big face directly into Big Bob. A troll's breath is terrible indeed, "WHAT! WAS! THAT?"  Big Bob ever the quick thinker, "Well it sounded like someone died and it was most likely your master.  Interested in going halves on the loot plus you get your freedom?"

The troll unfolded itself and stepped out into the night, the chains dragging behind him not even slowing the troll down.  The troll peered into the top window of the building and saw Dud standing over his master's body.

The keeper had fallen to the floor not quite dead judging by the gurgling noise coming from his throat. Dud looked, "Opps! Err sorry it was accident. Well your going to die anyway so sorry for the next bit as well." Dud stepped on the keeper's throat to help him die quicker but that didn't work.  Dud stabbed him several times in the head, then keeper stopped gurgling off key to Dud's annoyance.  He wiped his blade on the curtains and returned it to its scabbard.

Downstairs Red and Isa was staring up at the ceiling in alarm, "What has he done now!" Isa shouted, "Come on!"  Isa rushed up the stairs closely followed by Red and Brella. Treyvere however continued to eat and drink.

Dud noticed a shadow cross in front of the window when he was wiping his blade clean and instinctively he smiled and waved. He turned back to the room and could hear heavy footsteps on the stairs below.  He picked up a couple of bottles of potions and a few gold pieces which disappeared into his many pouches.

The troll dropped back down to Big Bob level, "He waved at me!" "How about I go in and see what is exactly going on and then we discuss it further, in the meantime let me take those chains off you." Big Bob said.  The troll however had other ideas and snapped the chains off in an instant. "50 50 OK?" Big Bob said.  The troll wander off towards the trees. Big Bob rolled his eyes, 'What hell has that idiot bard done now!' he thought as he left the barn and entered the inn.

Isa jumped through hatch closely followed by the ever beautiful Red. Dud turned and smiled stepping away from the body of the keeper on the floor, "He tripped!" Isa came over and looked at body, "Yeah! Right! He tripped into your dagger several times from the looks of things." Dud tried explain that it was accident but nobody believed him.  Big Bob came through the hatch and noticed that despite the dead keeper on the floor everyone packing up all the loot.

"I promised the Troll a 50 percent split?" 

"Look I found I mind control potion, which could use that on the troll." Dud exclaimed.

"The troll freed itself he is no longer in chains."

"Just put it in the water or beer, look another potion for making inedible food delicious."

"What!" Isa said and started to gag.

"We are not drugging the troll besides it is unlikely these potions will work otherwise why did the keeper keep him chained up?" Big Bob reasoned.

Brella said, "We should bury the body, I found his history over here. His wife buried out back by a tree and his son went off to war." Dud looked at the book he had picked up before everyone turned up.  Judging by the contents the keeper was a man after his own heart a teller of tales.  He put the book into one of his larger pouches for further reading later.

They buried the body and each went to their separate bedrooms apart from Treyvere who elected to stay on watch by bar and the beer.

I Hate Elves

In morning the troll had returned with a tree branch which he gave to Big Bob and they agreed upon a 50/50 split despite having packed far more than 50 percent into the cart.

Dud was starring across the river towards the other end of the bridge when he heard the sound of marching boots and saw the tops of banners on the other side of the river.  He rushed down back to the party to raise the alarm.  They trooped up to the battlements over the gate itself.

About 50 troops came into view waving blue banners, Dud excellent eyesight saw elves, "Look they are elves, I've always wanted to them!" Big Bob, "No you don't! They are always always bad news!"

The troops marched half way across bridge and with extreme military precision parted in the middle to let a tall elf walk between to the front.  The troll's head appeared above the gate battlements, "Look its Alaric!"

Alaric did not noticed the troll at the Tollgate or the rest of the party. 'I'm a sorcerer and they send me out to destroy a bridge! Any third rate apprentice could do this.' Alaric thought to himself as his raised arms and whispered a few words in elfish. The bridge shook in the middle and then just collapsed into the river.  Alaric looked at the soldiers and dared them to complain about unimpressive that was and walked back off the bridge.  The soldiers turned and followed.

"I Hate Elves! Didn't I say bad news!" Big Bob said.

Dud was quick to revisit an old discussion, "Looks like the Stone Circle it is then."

Big Bod turned to the troll,  "Could you carry us across one by one and our cart?" he asked.

The troll looked at river and he stepped down into river and at it deepest point only his head was showing however when he reached the broken section of the bridge it was less deep and the water only came up to his waist.

"OK!" The troll shouted.

The troll took the party across one by one and the surprisingly heavy cart also. Whilst the rest of the part were walking towards the end of the bridge, the troll leaned close to Big Bob, "Stay on the road, don't go in the forest, GO FAST!"

The Road Goes...

Dud found himself starring at the trees, "Err!  I'm sure that tree just moved?!?" 

"Keep moving Dud unless you want to stay behind!" Isa said.

Despite the growing darkness they moved as fast as they could through the forest staying on the road until they came upon a rising plain.  Next morning through the disappearing mists they saw the smoke rising from the city of Norhye.

On the outskirts they found a tavern, it was suggested that Dud, John and Brella enter the city to find the Fen the Fence.

The March of Rogues (A Runequest Story)

Real World Summary

From 7 to Midnight

 

Upon the 8th June 2019 a nerd evening occurred with five players, one onlooker and a Dungeon Master.  The game was Runequest which is a varient of Dungeons & Dragons. An overhead projector to show fancy moving maps (see below) was employed and enjoyed by all.  The use of Lego figures added to the realism.

Razor sharp wit was employed occasionally with puns and smutery permanently on.

Part 1: No Strings Attached

T'was a dark and stormy night,

Upon the blasted heath of Murphy-Tight.

'Ere did sit two men discussing their past,

It all began in Blackford town upon a hot repast

Dud the Great is a Bard although to his parents he was a bit of a failure compared to the rest of his brothers and sisters. For starters he is tone deaf and has an inability to read letters but has no problems reading music. Despite his parent's disappointment  Dud thinks of himself as a Great Bard, he also has a near perfect memory which of course would upset any parent being told what they said exactly nine days ago.  After awhile it was suggested that he travel to improve his talents, this was at the age of six.  He left with his Uncle Jo's four string lute although Uncle Jo never knew who stole his lute.

He ended up in city of Wesryer where he met John who later became known as John the Dodge. They effectively grew up together although Dud spent a lot of time traveling round the lands attempting to make a name for himself.  Whilst John spent a lot of time avoiding any form of work.

The city itself is actually four smaller towns that grew together, Blackford is John's local. As the name suggests it is close to the river aka West River End.

Dud had recently returned to Blackford and was holed up in The Dead Pig avoiding the local cuisine which tended to walk off tables, John had arrived half way through the evening. "Heyz Dudz wellcomez back to the cityz.  You haventz touchedz the fooz have yoz?" John said apparently slurring or using a lot of z's.  Dud knew better, "You can cut the act and the z's there are no adventurers in tonight." John look around at the locals who starred back with zero amusement in their eyes.

"Fine, but sometimes you just have to keep up appearances for the tourists."

"What tourists we are in the middle of a war. "

"Barely a war more of a siege, came across of notice of sorts on the street.  Thought it might be one of yours?" John put a piece of parchment on the wooden table amid the empty flagons. Dud rolled his eyes, "Your memory is terrible, I'm no good with reading letters. What does it say?"

John pick up and parchment and read slowly, 

"During war there are always those that profit,

some toil at the fires and furnaces forging the iorn

some press the unfortunate and lost into slavery

some strip the dead and dying on the battle field

war takes from some, but some take from war"

"A bit morbid and whats iorn?" Dud said.

"Well its probably some new hot Rum flavoured with fire, I don't know I didn't write it.  Anyways what are you doing back here I thought you had a gig at a castle?" 

Dud lifted up his lute to show John the serious lack of strings, he turned it over so John could see the massive dent in its base.

"You didn't sing them that song about Sages did you?"

"There's is nothing wrong with that saga but no I didn't have time I sang my newest and best song so far..." Before Dud could finish John interrupted, "Was it a song about a beautiful mostly naked maiden?"

"No but..."

"What about warrior with a really big sword and Gold?"

"No but..."

"Dwarves and Gold?"

"No but..."

"Giants and Gold?"

"No but..."

"Dragons and Gold?"

"No but..."

"So nothing at all interesting whatsoever, people like hear about epic tales normally with Warriors rescuing maidens or something with lots of gold."

As you can tell John only has a limited imagination and his preferences are Gold, weapons, beer or rum and women in that order.

"You may mock me but no man can dispute I am Great Bard however for the time being I'm little short of money so perhaps you would like to trade something for new strings.  Actually whilst I was at that castle I had a long chat with the local priest well he was more of a monk judging where he put his hands."

"A monk chatted to you? Did you do that trick you do?"

"I think he was a lot drunk, talked about gold in the east tower.  When he mentioned gold obviously it seemed only polite to glamour him just to make him feel comfortable talking to me and to stop him using his hands." Dud said comfortably and yet not.

John leaned in and said, "Don't stop there you have me all intrigued, you know what, I heard tell of some adventurers due in a couple of days perhaps we could do a deal after all.  How about I give you two strings now and two later after we meet up at the castle?"

"Mmm well it is against my bardic ethics to profit off of an other's fate, however they are more like guidelines really." Dud explained.

"Can you get us in through the front gate?" John asked.

"No but the monk told there are some tunnels and he gave me a map.  I cannot read it, its all squiggles to me." Dud replied and passed a small piece of parchment to John.  John stared at it for a bit and realised he couldn't ever show the map to anyone.  Johh questioned Dud on how to find the tunnel entrance and agreed to meet him there in two days.

Part 2: Going Left

Dud spent the last two days getting back to the castle, John had kindly supplied him with some rations although he was pretty sure John had stole the rations from mostly dead soldiers considering the amount of blood on the coverings.  It made them very sticky indeed.  The monk's meandering description on how to get to the tunnels meant he was delayed further.  The two strings on his lute gave him a lift admittedly but it did limit his songs somewhat.

When he arrived at the entrance he expected to see John with the adventurers in tow but there was nobody around.  He waited for a couple of hours but John still did not show up.  Dud hates being bored and will often risk certain death to avoid it.  Many people that have observed Dud up close have a couple of theories either he is just a damn lucky bastard or Death always has something else on.

Dud couldn't wait any longer, he walked into the cave entrance and after several hours of walking round in circles he had to admit he was probably very lost.  However he was not bored, he had been attacked by Cowebs and very small goblins that ran away when he started to sing "Dingle dangle fangle dee,
Low down jangle fee." One of his more popular songs in Blackford town.

Dud was about give up all hope when he heard talking and what sounded like John doing his tourist gab. He figured that it was best that the adventurers did not know that he and John knew each other at least not at the beginning no point in ruining John's act.  Although sometimes he wasn't sure if John was acting the idiot or was an idiot.  When it came to money however John suddenly became very devious and cunning.

"You've gotz to turnz left, turnz left." was the sound of John coming closer.  Well if he is turning left he will end up in the room behind him Dud thought. Dud moved into the room tracing the wall on the left hand side and waited.

Meanwhile back down the tunnel four people wearing varying bits of kit and carrying a curious assortment of weapons were following John the Dodge.  The tunnel was wide enough to have two people abreast. Beside John was a very big man indeed he made John look like a dwarf. Two more men behind them and two women dressed in black leather one with a deadly looking crossbow and the other with a three headed flail.

John turned left and entered the room and turned left again following the room's wall, half way along he was suddenly startled by Dud jumping out from the darkness, "Ha! I am Dud the Great, hear my songs and cry!" Dud said, he gave John a wink. John knew that wink of old and played along, "Yourz slendourz sirez..." John did his best to look glazed in the torch light.

"Who are you and what you done to John?" the big man coming up from behind John said.

"I am Dud the Great, as for John here just a little glamour spell it will wear off in a moment." Dud replied.  John appeared to suddenly wake and said, "We've gotz to turnz leftz."

"The Great what?" the big man asked.

"Bard of course, I'm well known throughout all the lands.  I can make you famous through my songs of your epic sagas."

"Really, what you doing in these 'ere tunnels then and you said John?" Dud saw John roll his eyes.

"Yes well times have been hard what with the war and all.  I used to have a four string lute now it only has two.  John recently did a deal with me for some strings which is how I know him." At this point John pushed past Dud and said, "Turnz leftz..." The big man followed John.

Dud said hello to the other members of the party.  Dud was always good at faces and terrible with names although the woman in black leather her name seem to stick, it was Conahan the Barbiran .  He was pretty sure he had heard that name before.

Eventually after a couple of suicidal attacks by little black goblins the tunnels ended and they found what looked like a cellar room with barrels of beer and a lit torch on the wall.  It was suggested that they rest for a couple of hours.

Part 3: Dance of the Torches

Dud found the beer first and soon appeared quite drunk but not drunk enough to let the others how well he knew John.  He was curious about one of the men who carried a pointed wooden stick wrapped in leather, "What is that?" he asked.

"It keeps the rain off, it has a name you know." the man replied.

"Err most people use a hat and cloak to do that. Err what's the name?" Dud knew he was going to regret asking this but it is in his bardic nature to ask questions.  Although independent observers of Dud's work cannot fathom why because he seems to completely ignore what has been said.

"um...bremlaa" the man with the weird stick replied.

"Isn't that the name of Mistress Hobbit at the Broken Stool." Dud immediately said, "Well I've heard you know." He quickly added.

"No no that's not her name at all." said Conahan, "Your thinking of the lass at the Broken Fool."  Despite the poor light in the room Dud looked a little red in the face.

John was standing looking at a bit parchment in his hand, Weird Stick man jumped up and grabbed the parchment, "It just says, turns left! That's not a map at all!" John looked horrified and was even more upset when the man set light to the parchment with the torch on the wall.

Dud grabbed John, "When do I get my other two strings?" said as if annoyed and gave John another wink. They walked slowly up the stone spiral staircase that was at the back of the cellar. The rest of the party followed.

At the top of the staircase they found a long lighted passageway, as they proceeded along it Dud found himself at back with the big man and decided to ask what would seem to most people an innocent question, "What's your name?"

The Big man was looking at the wall confused and annoyed, "Step On." he said still studying the wall.

"Don't you mean Stephon." Dud asked.  "No I mean, I Step On people." Before Dud to could reply the quiet man that hadn't said anything since Dud had said hello to him said, "He's fooling you, his name is Big Job."

"Big Job, err does he know that that's another name for having a err, well perhaps we will leave it at that then." Dud finished lamely.

Big Job and Weird Stick man were now both investigating the wall.  There was a small gap at the bottom, they stuck their daggers under it and tried to lift it.  After a couple of attempts the wall moved up about inch and fell back down again.

Conahan signed, "Men." She pulled the torch nearest the wall, it shifted downwards and the wall swung upwards.  Both men walked in cautiously, a square room about ten foot across with a lit torch on the right hand wall.  In the left hand corner was something shiny. Big Job stood just inside whilst Weird Stick man walked into the corner.

Conahan let go of the torch because her friend Ang started talking to her about the merits of a flail over a crossbow. Just as Weird stick man was picking up what look like a several pieces of gold the wall came back down with resounding boom echoing up and down passageway locking them in.

Ang suggested pulling the torch again Conahan tried this but nothing happened. Meanwhile John and the quiet man stood at the far end of the passageway unsure whether to proceed further.  John seemed a little lost without his 'map' and his friend Dud was walking back down the passageway.

Inside the locked room Big Job looked over at the Weird stick man and said "Charlie, what did you find?"

Weird stick man looked up confused, "Whose Charlie? There was nothing here thought I saw something shiny. " he said whilst palming the gold into one his many pouches.  He walked across the room and pulled on the lit torch which shifted down and the wall swung up.  They exited the room swiftly, Weird Stick man jingled quietly as he walked out.

Outside Dud had made his way to the first torch in the passageway.  He had decided despite his bardic ethics he didn't much care for the Weird Stick man. In fact all of these adventurers were a little off like they were being moved about by the Gods above who were in turn playing against the Goddess Tyche.  They were very uncertain people, quite paranoid indeed.  Dud could not see the world like that.  He pulled the lit torch down, it was little warm against his hand.

As Weird stick man came out of the room he saw the wall on the other side of the passageway swing up just in front of that idiotic bard.  He rushed across and inside another room. Dud let go of the torch and the wall swung back down he said off handily "Oops!".

Inside the Weird stick man picked up more gold and pulled another torch letting himself back out into the passageway. Dud had moved back towards John.

The party moved on eventually finding another spiral staircase taking them up into a very well lit area.  Dud recognized immediately it was the scene of where one of the guards had assaulted his lute.  At this point Dud realised that the ginger beer he had earlier needed to leave his body.

Big Job had walked slowly into what looked like an L shaped room dotted evenly with doors along it and a door immediately to right.  Dud pushed past him straight into door on the right, as the door opened Big Job got a nasty whiff coming from inside.

Part 4: Seige, Seige the Musical (not)

Weird Stick man asked Big Job, "Where's that bard gone?"

Big Job took up position at the corner of the two passageways and replied, "He went in there, I think its the loo." gesturing towards the door on the right.

The fact that Dud knew it was loo seem to escape both men but not John who looked more shifty than normal.

Conahan sauntered into the room with her friend Ang trailing behind they walked down the passageway to the left looking at the doors on the right hand side whilst the quiet man looked at the doors on the left.

The door on right hand side was locked so Conahan attempted to unlock it and failed but after a couple of attempts succeeded in doing so.  A guard twas sleeping inside the room he was having an awesome dream about rescuing a hot maiden.  He heard another noise in his dream that of a creaking door.

He woke up, sat up looking across towards the door he saw the beautiful maiden of this dreams.  There was a click, the guard's eye suddenly exploded as a crossbow bolt hit him silently.  Well at least he died happy.

Conahan smiled evilly and said, "One shot, one kill."  She looked up at the ceiling briefly as if she thought she heard something.  The more keenly attuned would have heard the following high above:

"Yeah! Right! Like you meant to do that!"

On the other side of the passageway the quiet man had entered the first room to find it completely devoid of anything useful or precious except for a very comfy looking double bed.

In the next room on the right both Conahan and Ang managed to enter without waking the three guards sleeping on bunk beds.  They proceeded to slit their throats and loot them for any gold with complete detachment.

The quiet man was not so lucky upon opening the next door on the left a guard was just standing up, his pike however was across the room.  The guard attempted to attack the quiet man.  The ensuing melee left the guard dead, no gold however.

At the end of the passageway was another door, Conahan and Ang were already investigating it.  Back at the corner Big Job is beginning feel a little uncomfortable with regard to how far apart members of the party were.

Dud came out of the loo and said, "I wouldn't go in there for a bit, if I were you."

"You would think this castle would have some windows." Big Job said.

Dud being Dud was unable to restrain himself and said, "Castles don't have windows they have slits, what land are you from anyway?"

"And that is the closest your going to get to slit." Big Job quickly replied.

"You may mock me sir but I am a Great Bard, considered yourself marked."

"Marked for what?"

"You just have to wait." Dud answered and walked away. Big Job looked at John and said, "Whatever." John just shrugged and rolled his eyes.

Whilst this conversation was occurring the Weird Stick man had discovered a suit of plate armour on the right hand wall of the right hand passageway.  Dud walked past him and saw that he was actually getting into it.  Considering the size of Weird Stick man he would not be strong enough to move in it.

As Dud passed him he heard the noise of more guards, further away. "Err I think I hear something coming this way."

Conahan and Ang had managed to open the other door which lead into another long passageway they were not in there for long before they heard shouts of, "Siege, siege, to the battlements!"  They hastily retreated back through the door but were unable to locked it.  Ang managed bodge it so it wouldn't open easily.

John the Dodge retreated into the loo something he immediately regretted and promptly started cursing Dud's name.  The quiet man hid himself under the double bed whilst Conahan and Ang locked themselves in the room with the three dead guards.  Big Job watched Dud walk towards the sound of the guards, he quietly said to himself, "Yeah, he's dead." Big Job also manages to lock himself inside one of the rooms.

Dud was not worried at all as he came round the final corner of the passageway he was greeted with several guards running towards him.  He smiled broadly and said, "All hail I am here to sing you the saga of the seven Sages!"

The guards stopped dead in their tracks.  The lead guard said, "Not you again! I thought you left, didn't we kick you out of the front gate?"

"That is what I wanted you to believe." Dud said transfixing the lead guard whilst clicking his fingers.  The guard's eye started to glaze over but one of the guards behind him said, "We will kill him later when the siege is over or the enemy will kill him." The head guard shook his head clear and said, "Right lets get on, don't get in the way Bard or we will kill you sooner."

Dud followed them slowly as the guards ran back the way he had come and started banging on doors shouting, "Siege, Siege, get to your posts!"  As they got to the door Ang had bodged Dud heard, "What in Gods name has happened to this door.  That bloody bard he is a great menace." There was sound of splitting wood as the door caved in under the weight of several iron booted guards kicking it.

Dud's only take away from this was one word confirming yet again he is definitely the Great Bard.

Part 5: Crypt Tease

Once the guards had left, Dud tapped on the doors and let the party know the coast was clear. John came out of the loo and his tall wizard's hat looked like he had been biting the edges.  He gave Dud a penetrating glare and said quietly, "You ate something in the Dead Pig didn't you how many times must I tell you food that is still moving is bad for you!"

Big Job eyed both Dud and John as they walked back towards where the guards had come from. John said, "Itsz in thez east tower err under it."  Arriving at the guards rooms they discovered another corridor leading left to which John promptly said, "The East Tower!"  The door at the end was unlocked and they found themselves in a what looked like a long chapel.

Conahan and Ang walked saw some scrolls at the front of the chapel and starting looking through them. John started tapping his staff on the floor, Big Job took up position in the centre whilst Weird Stick man examined the alter stone.  The quiet man picked up the golden candlesticks sitting on the alter stone and hid them about his person.

Dud however saw from across the room a painting of a woman, it couldn't be an original June as he got closer the brush work looked genuine worst case scenario the frame should fetch a few bob.  He lifted it off the wall as he heard behind him the sound a heavy stone moving.  He turned and saw the quiet man helping Weird Stick man move the lid of the alter stone at right angles.

John came over and looked down the hole and said, "I told you, under the tower." In his obvious excitement he let his normal act for the tourists and adventurers slip somewhat.

Dud came over and starred meaningfully at John however the other members of the party seem completely oblivious to change in John's personality and speech pattern.  To Dud's surprise Weird Stick man was the only person carrying rope, he had just never met adventurers like this. I mean who doesn't carry rope he thought to himself.  External observers would note that Dud was not carrying any rope either.

Down in the Crypt it was a little dark although to the right was the sound of a water fountain to which both women suggested skinny dipping in.  Nobody objected to this.  As soon as John was on the ground however he was straight over to one of the stone coffins using all his weight to shift the lid.

Dud had managed to attach the painting to his back sling whilst he too started to pry a lid off but was unable to.  He said to Conahan, "Perhaps you can help me with this coffin lid..." Conahan starred at him, "err please." Dud finished.  Conahan helped Dud move the lid with apparent ease.  Inside was a large quantity of gold, both of them looked on with excitement.  Definitely a few strings worth here thought Dud whilst Conahan considered the possibility of buying the Xtreme Crossbow from Armless Henry's.

Weird Stick man heard a sound behind him of a coffin creaking open, he turned quickly but saw nothing unusual.

As it turned out there were eight coffins in total all containing gold in varying sizes.

Typically as Conaham and Ang were about to go skinny dipping in the fountain they heard shouts from all around, "Breach! Breach!" And the sound of many running feet from above them.

Everyone looked up at the hole in the ceiling, "I thought they shouted Siege earlier surely that means not attacking right?" Dud queried.

Pictures from the Evening

in no particular order

Tunnels

 

Fountain of Skinny Dipping

Step On aka Big Job

Siege, siege the Musical

John in the Loo

Spiders

Dance of Torches

Flame On!

ReVerse - Stargate SG-1 (Fanfiction) - Part 3

Sam walked back into the briefing room in brown fatigues, the other members of the SG-1 came out of General Landry's office including the General, "What happened, the video was not working again! Vala got so frustrated with your various groans and signs she threw the popcorn at the screen!" Cried the General. "I did not that was Cameron, you evil old man!" Vala shouted back. Sam held up her hands for a little quiet, "Does not matter at all, didn't you hear what Jay said about my nostrils flaring?" Sam said. Vala was the first to speak, "Yes I did wonder about that, when you and I had that thing during the Leader's birthday I didn't notice them flaring maybe..." Sam interrupted, "No! I doubt Jay realised what he said, Solar Flares! Get it Now?"

The rest of the team and the General stared back with blank looks however Vala not willing to let an thread dangle tried again, "Perhaps you were doing it wrong that night I'm normally pretty good..." This time General Landry shouted, "Quiet! Kids just simmer down and let Sam talk.  She is going to tell us how we are all saved." The General looked back at Sam with a hopeful but determined smile. "Don't you remember the mission when Jack and I got sent back to 1969, because a solar flare happened just as we stepped through the Stargate?" "Oh! That one! You've only told us the story like a million times how could we forget you mooning over Jack, Jack this, Jack that." Vala said with dripping sarcasm.  "I do not sound like! Besides its the answer to our problem, when the sun explodes we step through the Stargate and travel back in time." Sam said.

General Landry sat down on the briefing table, "Just as well I closed the Mountain and decided against telling our brave Leader about recent events.  I suggest we evacuate everyone take all the equipment we can carry.  Hold on a second just exactly how far back will we be going?"  Sam looked a little uncomfortable, "Err well its a little hard to say probably further than 1969 since it will be like a super-massive flare but if I take Solar Flare history data with us we can jump forwards if we end up too far back. I just have to find the right Gate Address so that the wormhole passes through the flare, I should have that sorted in a couple of hours." Sam replied.  "What about your Captain Lover down in the VIP room, want me to put him down for you?" Cameron asked. Sam grinned evilly, "Leave him there he will die with the rest of the planet."

Jay looked at the clock in his head the sun had just exploded, his video bug in the briefing room showed him the evacuating people hurrying through the Stargate as quickly they could. Nine minutes before the shock wave takes out the planet.  He watched as the Stargate shutdown, he exited the VIP room with no trouble whatsoever and wandered up to the briefing room.  The time was counting down in his head and by the time he reached the control room there was only a couple of minutes left. 'Time travel always takes time,' he thought as he arrived in the briefing room.

Nine seconds to go and he felt his body being squeezed as the time line change about him, down in the Gate Room the flags in the corners vanished completely.  He turned and saw the brown, white and black flag turn blue, white and red. The hideous picture of the some guy with a short mustache on the wall vanished also. The nine seconds were up, sitting round the briefing room along with General Landry who was now wearing a blue uniform were SG-1, all of them including Daniel Jackson and Teal'c.

Cameron looked up and saw Jay, "Woh! Where did you come from fella?" Cameron exclaimed to the rest of the room.  Everybody looked at Jay, he smiled.  "Sorry to appear unannounced but I have been here for the last 27 hours just in a different time line."  Jay walked over to the conference table and grinned at Sam, "It is a pleasure to see you again Sam."  Jay said.  Sam looked a little uncertain, "Have we met before? Wait you said different time line, did you get lucky?" Sam asked.  Jay took the seat next to Vala, "Well I liked to think she got lucky but she was your evil twin Sam, so I wouldn't worry too much about it." Jay replied. "And technically I just saved this solar system and your planet from an epic death by Supernova."

General Landry asked, "Would you please explain that statement not that I do not believe you but you did just appear out of thin air?" "Of course, my name is Captain Jay Scarlet a MultiVerse Agent charged with maintaining the integrity and stability of the MultiVerse.  Your Meta-Verse was in considerable danger of blinking out of existence due to an unscheduled Supernova created by an attack of the Tok'ra upon your sun."  Teal'c intoned deeply from the other end of the table, "Why would the Tok'ra attack us?" Jay breathed out and then slowly in, 'hopefully this won't take too long, I should left when I had the chance now I have to explain everything.' Jay thought.

"Okay, it is all very simple and I'm only going to explain this once.  In the other time line, your world were peopled by a bunch of fascists and they were all the same.  They were only interested in war and conquering other worlds. The Tok'ra had beat the System Lords and were technically the good guys in the galaxy. The Asgard not so good, they had made alliance with your evil alternates and were beating them so the Tok'ra came up with a desperate plan to remove enough fusion-able material from your sun to make it go Supernova.  They made a backup plan as well whereby they infected SG-9 with a nasty plague which they would have noticed if I had not adjusted the blood work results.  Everybody following so far?"

Jay continued on before anyone to could say anything, "I told evil Sam that her nostrils flared when she was aroused and she got the hint pretty much straightaway.  It was an impressive exit I can say, basically she realised that the sun going Supernova would allow them to escape through time.  It is a very imprecise method of traveling through time but if you know all the variables ahead of time which I did I could make sure they traveled to roughly the right and time. I reprogrammed their Gate computer so it would take them to only one gate address no matter what they dialed.  In this case I sent them back to several million years where they became the patient zeroes of the plague your Ancients ran into.  I can only assume when they repopulated this galaxy using the device on Dakara they adjusted it so your species to turn out a little less war like.  Didn't always want to know where that plague came from?" Jay finished.

Before anyone could speak Jay stood up winked at them and vanished.

ReVerse - Stargate SG-1 (Fanfiction) - Part 2

General Landry exploded, "Why the Hell did you not open with that?!" "You said humour you, besides you have a few hours yet." Jay replied. Vala put in sarcastically "So your here to save us are you?"  "Well actually I'm here to stop the destruction of the solar system, the fact that you live in it is completely immaterial.  Basic MVA guidelines is not to judge sentient races." Jay answered.  Sam interjected before General Landry could open his mouth, "Why does it matter if the solar system is destroyed or not if you do not care about us?"

Jay stood up, he noticed that the guards had suddenly tensed up.  He really did not like sitting down to for too long, lying down that was a different matter. "We care about the MetaVerse, your galaxy is currently passing through an unstable region of space so an unscheduled Super Nova is likely to create a rip across realities which in turn could cascade to the point that the Verse blinks out of existence entirely.  We prefer that not happen, the MultiVerse is inherently unstable and the loss of an entire MetaVerse could cause all sorts nasty problems." Jay explained whilst stretching his legs and looking down at the Gate Room.  General Landry raised his hand to quell any further comments and asked, "What exactly do you need from us?" "Well lets see, I need access to your base computer so I can determine the Gate Address that your enemies will use to remove the fusion-able material from your sun which will cause it to go Super Nova, then I can come up with a method to stop it." Jay answered.

The General smiled broadly seemingly unconcerned about his planet's impending doom, 'perhaps they will take the bait after all' thought Jay.  "Guards take our guest down to the VIP room whilst we discuss this in private." General Landry ordered.  The guards took up positions beside Jay and led him away.

"So?" General Landry said. "There are lot of holes General, how does he know that it will be 27 hours exactly, if we have not been attacked yet." Sam said, "Smells like a Tok'ra plot to me General." Cameron put in.  "Unless the attacked has already occurred but why come here to warn us?" Sam asked.  General Landry started to look worried, "Err before he appeared we had an unscheduled wormhole which ended in two impacts to the Iris.  I agree something smells fishy to me, I suppose you would like to questioned our guest further Sam." "Goody, can you get popcorn from the canteen this time General?" Vala asked with glee.  "I need to check the Sun's output to make sure there hasn't been an attack that will take about an hour and then I can have some fun." Sam replied with a sly grin upon her face. "Excellent, I will inform our glorious leader of recent events, see you all in an hour." General said.

Meanwhile in the VIP room, Jay sat crossed legged on a four poster bed with velvet curtains.  There were number of lock cupboards about the room.  A quick check of the room Jay had discovered audio and visual bugs, he disabled the video only.  He had left a couple of bugs of his own in the briefing room, completely undetectable by their level of tech.  He had caught the tale of end their conversation and knew that he had an hour to get the information required to complete his mission.

Accessing the base computer was as easy as PI and upon scanning through the mission reports Jay discovered not only were the Tok'ra the sworn enemies of the SGC but the Asgard were quite a bit different to what he had been led to believe by his fellow agents.  This is the base reality as well where all other realities are derived from another reason why the mission needed to be completed. 

The most recent mission report was of considerable interest to Jay, it would appear that the Tok'ra wanted to make sure that none of the Earthlings would escape.  He adjusted Captain Jones's blood work results so that the head Doctor on base would not see the obvious until it was way too late.  The Gate Address proved to be a little more difficult fortunately he knew exactly where the Earth would be in less than 27 hours, he reprogrammed the Gate computer to only go one place.  The nature of ascended beings in his galaxy also gave him some pause and yet they have not yet interfered.

The door to VIP room opened and in walked a very beautiful women in a red velvet dress matching the bed's curtains, "Nice entrance Sam. " Jay said taking in the excellent view.  Sam closed the door and locked it.  "You lied!" Sam said quite calmly whilst showing a little leg.  'It is a curious method of seduction I will give you that.' Jay thought.  "Really which bit?" he asked. "They have already attacked us, but you told the truth about the time scale." Sam said moving towards the bed.  "I never said they hadn't attacked you yet, so why are you here? Wanted to go out with bang?"  Sam was now sitting beside him her hands in potentially painful places should she decide he wasn't being truthful.

Jay applied his considerable charm and a little bit of hormone which should be used in only the most dire circumstances according MVA rules well technically it is more of a guideline really.  45 minutes later, Sam signed in extreme pleasure as the man between her legs delved deep unearthing a version of herself she had never met.  Her ambition for the leadership seemed pointless and the impending destruction of planet seemed completely immaterial.  Jay came up and looked into her eyes, "Did you know your nostrils really flare up when your pleasured?" Sam looked back at Jay and realised that he was giving her a way out.  She smiled quite evilly back at him, pushing him aside she jumped off the bed completely naked. "Goodbye, we will shall not see each other again."  Sam left and Jay grinned to himself.