Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 11

Ib: I wonder did I leave it in the core room.

Helper Swarm (HS): Perhaps we can help?

Ib: Where did you come from, your not the Nano-Swarm?

HS: We were created by the Nano-Swarm and you created them which makes you our

Ib: Hold on a panug! I did not create Nano-Swarm they are Grey Tech.

HS: But you are a Grey are you not?

Ib: Yes but not the Grey that created Nano Swarm tech.

HS: What are you then and why did you bring the Nano-Swarm here to this world.

Ib: Err, let us take this to a different orbit shall we.  What do you know about the Builder Paradox?

HS: Please wait, searching Grey Tech archives.

HS: This is the equation that states there should be no interstellar alliance despite the high probability of life giving planets in the known universe.

Ib: Yes that is the one however it was not always called the Builder Paradox, originally it was called the Builder function.

HS: What does the difference of the name make?

Ib: When it was just a function H-Jump tech had not been invented.  And the function made an extremely basic assumption that was never stated.

HS: And that was?

Ib: Nothing can travel faster than the speed of light.  Which means all travel through this universe has a very limited velocity stopping the possibility of any intelligent species meeting each other.  It would only happen it multiple species arose in a single solar system which is astronomically rare.

HS: We understand! It became a paradox because the H-Jump was invented and Grey Tech was distributed to many intelligent species none of which have faster than light drives. And the alliance was came into existence.

Ib: Exactly and my point is your knowledge of Grey Tech is limited to what the Nano-Swarm gave you when they created you.

HS: We are given everything to survive in the lower altitudes.

Ib: What are doing up here then?

HS: Delivering Takeaways, Chinese is our specialty this cycle.  It is trending on many of the higher altitudes.

Ib: What is Chinese?

HS: It is a food created by the bipedal natives of the planet below.

Ib: You have traveled down to ground level, I thought the tech only allowed for high altitude work.

HS: Only those that fall or volunteer to fall in the precipitation end up on the ground and we have had no word from them.  However we have access to the the natives communication protocols.

Ib: You have communicated with them?

HS: No that would be a violation of Grey Tech first contact protocols.

Ib: A lot has happened in the last seventy cycles, where are their telepathic nodes?

HS: As far as we can see they do not have any or are have been dormant for so long they are no longer connected to the intelligence cortex.

Ib: How do you communicate then?

HS: S-Waves and visual stimulation, the visual aspect is how we managed to recreate their food at the microscopic level so members of the swarm can consume it.

Ib: S-Waves!  But I communicated with them when I was in the Muse of Urns.

HS: They were Haxians.

Ib: But the hostages were not.

HS: According the Grey Tech archives the nine artifacts have been sought after for thousands of cycles are you sure the hostages were natives?

Ib: How do you know about it?

HS: One of the native leaders likes to communicate everything and their communications protocols are very simple to decode.  There are no secrets from The Swarm.

Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 6

some time ago...

WARNING! WARNING! Anomaly detected!

Initiate Hibernation De-sequence

Signal Located

Initiate Communications

some time now...

Ib: one down two to go.

T1: What did you say?

Ib: I was wondering about the history of the statue you are searching for?

T1: I don't care about history, its a paying job.

Ib: Your just a mercenary then?

T1: Not just a I am The Mercenary!

Ib: I do know a little bit about art myself and that statue looks like it was made by young humans.

T1: I thought you said you hadn't see it.

Ib: I have seen it in images that is why I am here to see it physically.

T1: Really, you came to see something that you say was made by kids. Where exactly are you from?

Ib: Lots of different places.

T1: Really! I think you have more a hands behind your back than you are saying.  I think we need to shake you up.

Ib: Wait! Do not something you may...

T1: Too late.

Ib: OB!!! Why exactly is my face squashed against the ceiling? I can barely move!

Ob: They must be using s-waves to create negative mass. Try resetting the suit it should cancel the waves out.

T1: Who are speaking to?  Who are you?

Ib: Turn both our signals down I cannot reach control.

Ob: One interval.

Ib: One of my other selves just found the RSK, locator is attached.

Ob: Received, well that is an ugly looking thing.

Ib: I can reset the suit now, errr Ob can you do it remotely.

Ob: One interval.

Human Interlude #2

J: Mr President there has been an incident in Turkey. 

Mr President: Agent J are they complaining about the tariffs already. 

J: Mr President my name is not Agent J that was just some film you watched please try to remember that. The incident incurred in the national museum involving a giant tentacled creature. 

Mr President: Perhaps one of the ex-CIA directors knows something? 

J: Mr President you have revoked all their clearances they can't help you. 

Mr President: Maybe Mr Fox on the box knows? 

J: Mr President that box doesn't know everything and it only tells you stuff you want to hear.

Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 5

Ob (over the TCL): Have you still got the artifact?

Ib: Of course, one of my other selves has it. I sent myself to back of the crowd whilst they search for the RSK. Can you please turn down the telepathic communications link, someone is bound to pick it up.

Six vibrations follow another six vibrations then another...

Ob: Remember do not attract attention to yourself.

Ib: I will not have too if you do not turn the link knob into the middle. Besides I think there is something odd about the three driving the mob.

Ob: What do you mean?

Ib: Just set the link to receive only and I will tweak the signal at this end.

T1: Who are you talking to?

Ib: No one.  Perhaps can I ask why are you here?

T1: I'm here to point this gun at you, now shut up.

Ib: I think you misunderstood, I meant why here?

T1: Well if you must know we are looking for a stone statue.

Ib: In a room full of stone carvings.

T1: I saw you as soon as we came in, you were here already, have you got the statue?

Ib: Err what does the statue look like?

T1: It is a stone carving of the three aliens.

Ib: Which sector?

T1: What did you say?

Ib: Well everyone knows you get different aliens from different parts of the galaxy. So I hear on the conspiracy theory...

T1: For a moment there I thought perhaps that you knew more than you are letting on.

Ib: Basically you here to steal from the Muse of Urns?

T1: What did you call this place, its a museum.  We are not stealing merely requiring lost property.

Ib: Have you ever wondered what your life is?

T1: What, no! Well okay a little bit yes.  Why am I even talking to you about this.

Lady: Err excuse me my older gentleman friend here wants to go to toilet.

T1: And?

Lady: The toilets are in the foyer.

Ib: Perhaps I can be of help, why do not you ask your friend over their pointing that metal tube I mean gun and take the sub err Lady and her friend back to the foyer.

T1: I suppose so, its weird having a special place for...

Ib & Ob: A New Hope

Ob: ...do you remember that asteroid that flew through this system sixty rotations ago?

Ib: You mean one with the weird organic red coating that you said was nothing to worry about.

Ob: Well I am using the gravity drive to apply a gravity assisted course change.

Ib: Why exactly are you changing an asteroid's course?

Ob: Technically it is not an asteroid as such, more sort of a Seeder Ship.

Ib: Hence the organic coating although the Colony Commission has not used that technology in hundreds of cycles.  Your telling me you working for Colony Commission?

Ob: Not completely, only indirectly.

Ib: Hold on a panug, if you are here to change its course why did you say that we are here to investigate the third planet?

Ob: We are here to investigate the planet just for not all the reasons I stated.

Ib: Where exactly is this Seeder Ship going?

Ob: Now that I have made the course change, it should hit the fourth planet in this system in just under two cycles.

Ib: Correct if I am wrong here but Colony Commission rules states if life exists in a system then you cannot deploy a Seeder Ship.

Ob: That is completely true but have you noticed when was the last time the Colony Commission seeded a new planet?

Ib: Admittedly not for a few cycles, the galaxy is not as big as it used to be.

Ob: The last new planet seeded by the Commission was eighty one cycles ago, their rules are out of date.  We in the science club have decided...

Ib: By the Moons of Gugt your Rebels! I should have guessed considering the name of the club: The Enlightened Ones.

Ob: There are more of us than you think!

Ib: Really! So what did you do pick up an old out of date Seeder Ship add a quick spray paint job and launch it. Hold on, organic sprays were made illegal over two hundred cycles ago.

Ob: Only because they were too slow, however we in Science club have improved the Ship by adding two Bio Emitters which will speed up the flow of organics considerably.

Ib:  As I recall the last time two Bio Emitters were used together a Chaos Wave appeared and destroyed half the planet. Hence the big warning signs on them, your not even allowed to transport them together.

Ob: We have fixed that issue, besides it all really depends what we will find on this planet.

Ib: What you are saying  is if we cannot verify intelligent life on the third planet your going to deploy what is effectively a weapon of mass destruction on the fourth planet.

Ob: Yes, the Science club gave me the deciding vote.

Ib: You mean they gave you all the responsibility and gave themselves the ability to denied everything should anything go wrong.

Ob: I am sure it will be fine.

Ib: Is the escape pod on this ship equipped with a H-Jump system?

Ob: Why do you ask?

Ib & Ob: Trust me!

Ob: Trust me!

Ib: I stopped trusting you after the first day in our study room.

Ob: I do not remember anything particular about that day.

Ib: Really and they say our species never forgets a thing, that was the day you attempted to create antimatter without proper shielding and the Trilon hatchery next door exploded!

Ob: That was never proven to be my fault.

Ib: So it was a complete coincidence that your particle beam was in direct line of sight with the hatchery?

Ob: Your pet Plyth had knocked off the mirror prism.

Ib: You mean the one that could barely fly let alone crawl?

Ob: Yes, what happened to it?

Ib: Your pygmy Trilon stood on it after you attempted to connect it to the Synaptic Melder.

Ob: Well if I had a full grown Trilon there would not have been a problem!

Ib: A problem you created by blowing up the Trilon hatchery earlier in the week.

Ob: I was ill that week!

Ib: Yes because the pygmy Trilon exploded and your right orb got infected with Trilon blood.  It was the first recorded case in over two hundred cycles.

Ob: I thought we were friends?

Ib: We are, I just do not trust you as far as I can throw you!

Ob: Well you cannot throw me at all because I am wearing my new MagLock boots.

Ib: The green ones which you have set to stealth mode, so not only I cannot see the boots nor can I see your feet.

Ob: Amazing are not they!

Ib: And your wearing them in the ship.  Perhaps you can tell me why the gravity is stuck on the bottom of that Gas giant we passed on the way into this system?

Ob: Well...

Ib & Ob: Rite of Passage

Ob: The probes that came back are quite disturbing in the fact that the quadrupeds appear to commit ritual sacrifice.

Ib: Purple Monopods! Hardly an intelligent species then, killing their own.

Ob: Yes I know although it is a bit of mystery since the probes have been unable to capture the location of the temple that the sacrifice occurs in.

Ib: Then how do you know it is occurring? 

Ob: They found thousands of buildings where the subspecies consumes organic matter which they call: Hamburgers.

Ib: Odd name for food.

Ob: It is an odd food, upon analysis most of it appears to made up of chemicals that make the subspecies feel good very very briefly and then hungry again.

Ib: Sounds more like a drug, where do the quadrupeds come in?

Ob: Part of the organic component to the Hamburger contain quadruped parts.

Ib: Parts, what parts?

Ob: As far the biology probes can tell nothing that would be useful to the subspecies's nutrition.

Ib: Are you sure this is ritual sacrifice perhaps the quadrupeds are trying to kill off the weak members of subspecies.

Ob: Or maybe make them more subservient, we have a missing link in the chain.

Ib: I am curious how do they consume this food by injection?

Ob: Did you not notice that your lunch had a hole on a its head?

Ib: It had several holes as I recall however I assume you are talking about the large one.

Ob: Yes, they take their food in through that hole.

Ib: That is disgusting what about all the infections you can get from such things?

Ob: You seem to forget that thousands of cycles ago we too ingested food through our nasal passage.

Ib: Yes and I glad I was not around for that.  I remember Prof. Zi telling us about the diseases of the past before we started using the injectors.  Made my orbs spins, horrible days indeed.

Ob: Then you have not heard about the Anti-Injectors, Grey World does insulate you from some of the more extreme news.

Ib: What are you talking about?

Ob: Basically there is a movement that wants us to go back to using our nasal passage for food intake, they say it is more natural and satisfying.

Ib: You are pulling my Danuses, no Grey in their right orbs would do such thing.

Ob: I agree injectors have nearly wiped out all known diseases, why would anyone want to bring back a disease.

Ib: Let us get off this horrible tangent and return to our proper orbit.  I think the quadrupeds are practicing a form of population control we have seen it before in other cultures or maybe it is a voluntary sacrifice?!?

Ob: True, maybe they are giving parts of themselves to the subspecies to make them feel like they are the quadrupeds. Organic worship, interesting maybe my initial issues with the probes results were not ions in the grill after all.

Ib: Well if that is all sorted out, I will take the shuttle back out to get some lunch.

Ob: Okay but before you do we need to address the problem of the two holes on either side of their heads.

Ib: Are you trying to make me thinner than I already am?

Ib & Ob: Dividing by Zero

Ob: Well it appears that...

Ib: What is that flashing light on your console?

Ob: Probably nothing as I was about to...

Ib: Flashing lights are rarely nothing let me see. 

Ob: Fine, fine okay all yours and why do not you take over my reason for being here as well.

Ib: Cool your ions my friend, I knew it!  When exactly did you last use the teleport?

Ob: Not sure, probably when we picked up supplies on Ketr 3.

Ib: Really, well we just teleported my lunch 1160 units from the original position I found it in.

Ob: Well we can easily trace it to where it currently is.  There you go, it is inside that White building.

Ib: Is it still alive?

Ob: Yes and there are lots of its species surrounding it.

Ib: Okay for once you were right about the flashing light.

Ob: Fortunately for us the liquid the natives of Hij 3 eject gives most organic species short term memory loss.

Human Interlude #1

Science Adviser: What have you learned about the man that suddenly appeared in the office?

Agent #1: Sir, are you sure he appeared out of thin air and not perhaps jumped out from behind a piece of furniture?

Science Adviser: Yes he appeared out of thin air, our leader was so scared he hid in the nearest corner.

Agent #1: But Sir, there are no corners in the...

Science Adviser: This is what happens when you let politicians divide by zero.  What have you learned?

Agent #1: Well he's a white trapper from the south west.

Science Adviser: Really, what does he trap?

Agent #1: Rabbits, sir.

Science Adviser: What does he remember last?

Agent #1: He said he had shot a coyote and there was white light.

Science Adviser: I thought you said he hunts rabbits?

Agent #1: Yes sir, the coyotes have been eating the rabbits.

Science Adviser: Fine, anything else no matter how small.

Agent #1: He said he remembers having pins and needles in his err...

Science Adviser: Out with it, I'm scientist first and an adviser second.

Agent #1: He said "In all his holes" sir.  Might I ask where our leader is now?

Science Adviser: I sedated him.

Agent #1: You gave him drugs?!?

Science Adviser: Of course not, I sat him down in front daytime TV.  Should keep him happy for hours.  Now what else do we know about the Great White Hunter?

Agent #1: Well sir, he believes in God.

Science Adviser: Not another one! Does he has any terrorist affiliations aside from his out of date beliefs?

Agent #1: No sir! Can I ask is this perhaps related to the asteroid currently...

Science Adviser: That's classified, you should know better that.  What has the forensic team come up with?

Agent #1: Just an unknown blue substance found on his clothes and near all his err...holes sir.

Science Adviser: Very interesting indeed, well ship him off to Area 47 for now.

Agent #1: Yes sir!

End of Human Interlude #1

Ib & Ob: Cultural Misfeeds

Ib: I took it off the subspecies, it was pointing it at one of the smaller quadrupeds, at first I thought it was trying to feed it but there was a sudden flash and the quadruped exploded.

Ob: It exploded?

Ib: Yes, there was just blood and pieces of organic matter everywhere.  Then I realised it probably had teleported and left its waste product behind.

Ob: You mean like the Haxians on Phew 4 and I thought those hexipods were unique.

Ib: I think the smell was definitely unique, it took me ages to get rid of it from the ship.

Ob: I agree that is one planet I never intend to visit again, their waste product ate through three of my environment suits.

Ib: As far as I can tell this tube does not contain anything organic just metal parts.

Ob: Well put it in the relic room for now and when we get back it can be more thoroughly investigated.

Ib: Fine. I will just put my lunch into...

Ob: Hold on a moment we have not got enough evidence yet to say that your lunch is not intelligent.

Ib: What? You said the quadrupeds were the intelligent species, make your mind up.

Ob: I said it was a theory besides some of the probes have come back with some interesting results which suggest my theory might be need adjusting.

Ib: Really?

Ob: Less of the orb rolling please, I suggest you put your lunch back where you found it.  Ship's ration packs will have to suffice for now.

Ib: You did not look at the eat by h-jump of those ration packs did you, they are only good for nine hyper jumps.  It will be like eating Haxian leftovers.

Ob: Just get rid of the subspecies and I will tell what the probes have found.

Ib: Okay give me a panug to put it in the teleport.  I might point out that there are some scorch marks around the pads.

Ob: It will be fine what could possibly go wrong.

Ib:  Really what about the T'ra incident?

Ob:  I was absolved any wrong doing, it was not my fault that the locals were well...primitive.

Ib: So primitive in fact that they managed to enter your personal code into the your game slab without even getting it wrong at least once.

Ob: Chance happens in the strangest of places besides it do not impinge much on their society.

Ib: Much! The people of T'ra 9 were considered to be the greatest primitive architects and artists in four galactic sectors.  Their culture was unblemished by any space faring species until you joined the expedition.

Ob: I seemed to remember you asked me along on that trip so you are partly responsible.  I do not know why you asked me, I have never liked art.

Ib: I am curious as to why your game slab was set to expand so large in the first place?

Ob: Do not you not remember I had entered the Battle Sims for the next day on one of the larger moons, I was going to use the slab as a defensive wall.

Ib: A wall that reached all the way into space?

Ob: Well I had miscalculated a bit but as it turned out it was quite fortunate for the locals since the expedition had time to stop it from flattening their capital city.  Barely any harm done whatsoever.

Ib: Except for the part whereby the locals now worship the Great Black Rectangle and all their buildings are rectangular not a single curve in sight.  You wiped out the most artistic primitive culture in the galaxy.

Ob: Well it is all particles under the ion grill now. Set your coordinates and send it back.

Ib: Fine, tell me what the probes results were?

Ib & Ob: Communications Failure

Ob: What is that?

Ib: Lunch.

Ob: I see you are still thinking with your stomach, why does it look like that?

Ib: Like what?

Ob: Like it has been frozen in the middle of a horrifying thought?

Ib: Did you know that the shuttle was not packed with a complete set of communication probes?

Ob: That would be your responsibility, you used the equipment therefore you maintain it.

Ib: Fair point.  Still the shuttle was a mess, I could barely find anything.  It was like being back in our study room.

Ob: I remember that our study room was particle free.

Ib: That is because I kept it that way, if I had left it to you to tidy up we would have been kicked out for causing multiple bio hazards.

Ob: Wait a panug, the last time I am used the shuttle was on Hij 3 to speak to the tripod species.   Those were brand new probes how did you know how use it?

Ib: Well you remember what Prof. Zi used to say?

Ib & Ob: For Every Hole there is a Probe!

Ib: I admit they have a lot holes the subspecies, it took a while to find the right one.

Ob: Hold on the natives of Hij 3 only have one hole which is between their...

Ib: Yes it took some pushing, not to mention this subspecies seem to have multiple layers are skin.  I got there in the end though.

Ob: I left Hij 3 in a hurry, you did give the probe a clean?

Ib: You mean that blue substance was not part of the probe, it was very sticky indeed. By the way the ion grill will need a clean now.

Ob: Really and you say I am untidy. Oh!  I think I know why it looks like that.

Ib: Really?

Ob: The natives of Hij 3 consume their food while it is still alive, they use a paralytic liquid which is ejected from the same hole that houses their telepathic nodes.

Ib: That sounds disgusting, so the blue substance has frozen my lunch?

Ob: Yes, what is that your metal tube you are holding?

Ib & Ob: The 70th Anniversary

Ib: We have established orbit round the third planet in this system.

Ob: Good, now we...

Ib: Wait a panug, have not we been here before?

Ob: As I was about to explain before you interrupted, it has been seventy cycles of this planet since we were last here.  During your 'Everything is a joke phase.'

Ib: That was not a phase, everything is a joke.  Like your face that is a joke too.

Ob: Let us not start that again, your so called joke seventy cycles ago nearly got us throw out of the science club.

Ib: Like I ever wanted to be in the club in the first place!  Admit it your face is a joke, I mean who wears green with grey anymore?

Ob: I seem to remember you begging me to come along on this trip, said you were bored with Grey World.

Ib: Fine, fine. Carry on. Why are we here again?

Ob: To prove to those purple monopods in the club that my theories about the dominate species on this planet are correct.

Ib: Purple Monopods! Your language has taken a turn for the worst.

Ob: They think in circles, makes my orbs spin.  Please do not roll your orbs like that, remember we did eat well last time we were here.

Ib: True, I admit you had me with Purple Monopods.  What is your plan?

Ob: You take the shuttle down and record the northern hemisphere whilst I dropped some probes into key locations.

Ib: Why is it I am always the one in the shuttle and your up here safe from the locals?

Ob: You keep telling me that you are the best pilot in the galaxy, I thought would enjoy it.

Ib: Purple Monopods! How about you tell me your current theories then I will know what to look for when I down there?

Ob:That is a good idea.

Ib: You do realise it is rude to spin your orbs vertically?

Ob: Your the only one that thinks that.

Ib: That is because I know it is your expression of surprise.

Ob: Alright, I will not spin them again. Happy now?

Ib: Yes, tell me your theory.

Ob: I think the quadrupeds are the dominant species.

Ib: What! No! But we drained them on our last visit for cocktails.  Are you sure?

Ob: I seem to remember that you had four or was it five cocktails and you had the left over heads in a sandwich.

Ib: Your telling me I ate intelligent life forms, your talking about the ones with the mono-tonal language that you could not translate? This is a joke right?

Ob: Yes those are ones.  The others in the club think the bipedal life forms are the intelligent ones but I think not.

Ib: By the Moons of Gugt, I am hoping you are wrong.  What is your evidence?

Ob: The bipedal subspecies spend most of their time in metal boxes which have four spinning wheels, I am calling it my theory of four.  Catchy title right?

Ib: That is not evidence that is a leap to a completely different tangent.

Ob: There is more to the theory, I think the subspecies worship the quadrupeds because everything they build has four wheels.  Also the subspecies do all the work whilst the quadrupeds spent all their time at leisure in the open countryside and the subspecies bring them food.  It all works out.

Ib: If it all works out what are we doing here exactly?

Ob:  Well I need more evidence to present to the club.

Ib: Are you sure you have not been drinking Orion Moon Dust Particles again?

Ob: You said you would never mention that incident again?

Ib: Technically I do not mention the incident just the cause.  Fine I will take the shuttle down but if the subspecies are not intelligent does that mean I get take some for a snack on the way back. You know how Hyper jumps make me hungry.

Ob: Of course I would not expect anything less of you.

Ib: You turned away so I could not see your orbs?

Dog-Gate & Secret Santa Delivers Much Needed Tech

Dog-Gate

It's official Dogs are the aliens we have heard so much about and they are obviously so much in charge. Plus they are 'EVIL' according to an alleged tweet by Buzz Aldrin that the South Pole has something 'EVIL' in residence. This screenshot below from Google Maps/Earth clearly shows a giant dog carved into the Antarctic landscape this is obviously done in homage to great and all powerful Sky Dogs that secretly visit/crash our planet on a regular basis.

Of course it begs the questions about the dogs that walk the earth probably not man's best friend after all. I suspect the cats know all this which why they are content to ignore us and stay neutral in Terran affairs, as everybody knows cats spend a lot of their time in the secrets bases on the dark side of the moon.

 It just goes to show what a picture of some snow and ice can produce in the easily fearful human brain, just don’t tell THEM!

Secret Santa

Delivered to me today was much needed Tech, an telescopic stick with a light on the end much like the Alien detectors seen the 1979 film Alien see pictures below:

This Alien Detector has the added bonus of a magnetic end which allows me to capture any Aliens that are particularly metal or should they have for instance a metal dog collar on.  This improves my ability to detect Aliens a full 100%

Pulling the Wool

I see Farage is being used by the Yanks now to show just how easily you can dupe the voters into doing what you want.

“You can beat the pollsters, you can beat the commentators, you can beat Washington. And you can do it by doing what we did for Brexit in Britain.”

The trick is simple really you just give them almost no information about what they are voting for and use an single election “promise” on the side of a bus that says you are going to save a lot of the taxpayers money.  Then let human nature run its course!

As everyone knows election promises are never kept not always the fault of the incoming government since they soon discover that not everything they were told whilst in opposition was technically on the up and up.  Effectively an election promise turns into dust when rammed against the hard rock of reality.

The other key to Brexit was having a stupid opposition that assumed they would win no matter what happened, that sort of optimism will always breed disaster for those that believe it.

You really did not need Farage there at all it would of happened without him, he was just going along for the ride paid for by the EU which is a whooping £109K salary including expenses.  More taxpayers money down the drain at least all of Europe contributes to his salary not just the UK.  I wonder how much Trump paid him to put in an appearance in Mississippi and has he declared it?

Admittedly this is nothing compare to (excerpt from Wikipedia):

“In May 2009, The Observer reported a Foreign Press Association speech given by Farage in which he had said that over his period as a Member of the European Parliament he had received a total of £2 million of taxpayers' money in staff, travel, and other expenses. In response, Farage said that in future all UKIP MEPs would provide monthly expense details.”

Conspiracy theorists will be having a field day with Farage and Trump, what really is happening in Mississippi?  Probably has something to do with Tall Eight hundred year old aliens, which is also just misinformation from a document supposedly created by the KGB to scare the west.

I do find it ironic that a MEP is considered to be instrumental in breaking up the EU when in fact it was the pro-EU Conservatives that did most of the damage themselves.

I am surprised the EU cannot sack him under the premise that he is working against the stability of the Union.

Dilbert’s strip today works on so many levels including politics perhaps it should be called: Fararumptium:

Jetsam #2

Blue is the new fashion for Thieves.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/06/10/how_do_you_foil_apple_wear_blue/

Restarts and Updates Required.

https://www.theguardian.com/business/live/2016/jun/13/pound-and-shares-hit-by-brexit-and-growth-fears-business-live

The return to hard copy or a mass exodus to Instagram

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/jun/13/facebook-delete-photos-moments-app

It’s Curry but not as we know it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/seagull-tikka-masala-curry-orange_uk_5759854ee4b0069193654160?edition=uk&utm_hp_ref=uk-weird-news

Dogging Ghosts

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/hull-ghost-hunters-porn-shoot-graveyard_uk_5751808ae4b040e3e8197d26?edition=uk&utm_hp_ref=uk-weird-news

Time of the Vampyr

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/03/16/blood-moon-in-pictures-total-supermoon-lunar-eclipse-seen-around/

Sounds like a Self Fulfilling Prophecy…

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/03/31/scientists-and-insurers-develop-death-clock-to-predict-when-cust/

There Be Dragons.

http://www.natureworldnews.com/articles/23313/20160603/rare-baby-dragons-hatch-ancient-slovenian-cave.htm

Elvis is not dead he is on the Ascension B Ark.

http://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/679338/Bizarre-conspiracists-condemned-for-claiming-Nasa-scientist-killed-by-aliens

The End of the World is Nigh Part II

Many keen observers will have noticed that the world completely failed to end yesterday when Mercury did the hokey cokey in front the Sun. The Sun was not impressed the constant glare was enough to send Mercury on its way.  However you may remember the Youtube prophet did hedge his bets by saying:

...warns that this could be a sign that this could be interpreted as the end times for humanity.

I think that perhaps it is going to be a slow motion disaster and really kick off in sixteen months time (September 2017) when Planet X aka Nibiru is meant to be doing a close flyby.  Closer enough to suck continents off the planet, apparently the US government has built hundred and thirty underground bases in advance of its arrival.  I can only assume they are on parts of the planet where the continents are well and truly stuck to the magna below or perhaps they have some fancy anti-gravity device that keeps them firmly connected to the planet.

What are the origins of Planet X I here you ask, well scroll back to 1846 after the discovery of Neptune when astronomers were wondering whether perhaps there might another planet beyond Neptune.   Planet X (x = unknown) was suggested by Percival Lowell as hypothesis to explain why Uranus and Neptune had discrepancies in their orbits.  A large unseen planet could perhaps account for the irregularities.

Percival Lowell died in 1916 having failed to find his planet, however in 1930 Clyde Tombaugh discovered a planet which was later named Pluto.  Honouring Percival Lowell, as his initials made up the word's first two letters.  As it turned out Pluto could not be Planet X because it was way too small.

Scroll forward to 1989 when Voyager 2 did a flyby of Neptune and it was found that its mass was at least 0.5% less than first thought.  The Jet Propulsion Laboratory recalculated the orbits of Uranus and Neptune, the irregularities vanished and so did Planet X's need to there.  I suppose X could of been elsewhere at the time...bowling perhaps.

Now scroll forward five years and we get The Nibiru cataclysm put forward by a lady called Nancy Lieder who:

...has the ability to receive messages from extraterrestrials from the Zeta Reticuli star system through an implant in her brain. She stated that she was chosen to warn mankind that the object would sweep through the inner Solar System in May 2003...

2003 someone must have got their maths wrong, wow a stupid alien perhaps forgot to move the decimal point.  Working in base 14 must be a pain and then having to convert back to base 10 for us even more stupid folk on planet Earth.

Seriously though my problem is if it just over a year away why has not a single amateur astronomer spotted it yet, except in the form of exceptionally bad Youtube photographs.  In this day and age of modern digital photography you would think they could get one decent shot of it.  Much like all the bad shots of UFOs, Aliens and Elvis.

To read more about the cataclysm check out the Wikipedia article.

Apparently it is a massive government cover up (literally), they are using reflective panels in that part of sky so nobody notices.  Who knew?  Apparently the entire Internet but it is a well kept secret!  Except for those bad photographs of course those Men in Black must had turned down the opacity levels to moon someone.

Occam's razor rules and often gives a close shave except in the Chaotic universe of Nibiru where anything can happen.

The End of the World is Maybe Nigh

You know I have lost count of the number of times the world has been prophesied to end, still here after 2012 all that doom and gloom for that year all based upon the Mayan calendar because it finished in that year obviously nobody ordered new calendars 2013.  I sure the Spanish invasion probably put a dent in orders.

This time it is some chap on Youtube talking about the transit of Mercury passing in front of the Sun and the number three:

The Prophetico released a video last week analysing the correlation between the alignment of the planets and star constellations, suggesting this natural phenomenon could be of grave significance.

Mercury’s rare passing in front of the Sun on Monday, May 9 occurs only around 13 times a century and last took place in 2006.

What I love is that he is hedging his bets which is rare for a doomsayer:

The Prophetico explains that the moon will be exactly three days old at the time of Monday’s 7.5-hour Mercury transit which is significant as it is related to sex sins in the Bible.

The Prophetico warns that this could be a sign that this could be interpreted as the end times for humanity.

It is shame he brought in the Bible a book that has been translated many times and heavily edited by various different incarnations of the Church and not actually written down until several hundred of years after the events described in the book.  Lost in translation ring any bells.  Excerpt from Wikipedia below:

...the original Greek writings and manuscripts written by the original authors of the New Testament, have not survived. But historically copies exist of those original autographs, transmitted and preserved in a number of manuscript traditions. When ancient scribes copied earlier books, they sometimes wrote notes on the margins of the page (marginal glosses) to correct their text—especially if a scribe accidentally omitted a word or line—and to comment about the text. When later scribes were copying the copy, they were sometimes uncertain if a note was intended to be included as part of the text. Over time, different regions evolved different versions, each with its own assemblage of omissions and additions.

The Bible has become like modern day statistics which if you cherry pick what you want from the data you can reach the answer you were looking for.

Back to the 'Prophetico' the newspaper Express web article says:

The website summarises: “Judah will have to suffer in exile, although with the understanding that God will eventually thrash their enemies.

However I cannot find his website anywhere and the domain name is up for sale so perhaps he is leaning towards it ending.  Considering the quote above I think Judah is a reference to Edward Snowden it so fits with the text.  Oh look there's me cherry picking too, it is practically a national past time.

The main problem I have with any numbers or calendaring relating to ancient books written by man is the issue of the actual age of the planet.  Which at rough count is four and half billion years old or written in number form: 4,500,000,000 Okay I admit it does not sit well on the calendar and it is going to be a long year to say on a regular basis.  Taking any calendaring system produced by man in this context is arbitrary at best.

The other issue I have is man's arrogance assuming that we are somehow special in all the universe, to be put our existence into context:

...the modern form of humans only evolved about 200,000 years ago. Civilization as we know it is only about 6,000 years old, and industrialization started in the earnest only in the 1800s.

Astronomers are still working on the age of the universe but their best guess it about fourteen billion years old, so when someone pops up in the media says the world is going to end based upon the Bible and some arbitrary number systems we have come up with, I take it with a pinch of salt.

Real ways the world could end:

• Yellowstone national park volcano erupts that would be bad
• Bloody big asteroid smashes into the planet bad also
• I could die, it would be the end of world for me, very bad
• Earth, the alien TV show could be cancelled - okay probably not real

These are just a few of the potential disasters waiting round the corner.  If the world does end tomorrow I will happy in the fact that I will not have to get up early to go to work.  Of course if I am dead it will not matter at all, I am sure the universe can get along without me it certainly did before I was born.

It is all a matter of perspective and so the best course of action is to have fun.