Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 8

Ob: How did you know they were Haxians?

Ib: Well the Chameleon suit disguised them but not their footfalls, six vibrations then another set.

Ob: He said he is The Mercenary, like it meant something.

Ib: Unfortunately yes, they live very long lives Haxians that is. I only know one person whoever described a Haxian Mercenary prefixed with "The".  IGal used him quite a bit.

Ob: But I thought you said she had gone into hibernation because you had a falling out.

Ib: Barely besides she had more of a disagreement with the rest of her race than me although it was related to the IOP. She never believed me mostly because she had one of the artifacts.

Ob: What you never said!

Ib: Go roll your orbs somewhere else I had lost a friend.  She said that the artifact proved my theory was incorrect.

Ob: Your theory well let us call it what it really is a hypothesis not a theory. You have no evidence.

Ib: IOP is quite sound, what evidence do you have of the artifact theory exactly?

Ob: Well it is well known that the artifacts are meant to show meaning in the universe.

Ib: Really known by who exactly and in all this time only one has ever been found and its authenticity is definitely in question.

Ob:  When you said she had a disagreement with her race what did you mean exactly?

Ib: Trying to tempt me with a different tangent I see, well if you must know she is the matriarch of her species and they must do everything she commands.

Ob: Did they rebel then?

Ib: They thought she was diverting too many resources into finding the artifacts and even when she found one which is debatable they were still unhappy.  She entered hibernation early and her race had to go dormant until she awoke.  Of course they blamed me since I was only biped on the planet at the time.

Ob: I surprised you got off the planet alive.

Ib: Yes well her escape pod proved very useful indeed, heavily shield too.

Ob: Did not Grey World recover it from you upon landing?

Ib: Yes well Grey World seemed to blame me for IGal's hibernation too which is why they took the escape pod from me.  Said I caused a major diplomatic incident.

Ob: Well technically a full third of the x9-18 sector went dark because IGal's race went dormant.

Ib: Yes but it was not like the whole sector was dark, the rest picked up the work in no time.

Ob: I am not sure two hundred and thirty four cycles counts as "no time".

Ib: Fine! Have you looked at the artifact yet?

Ob: Well I would rather not look at it since it is very ugly.

Ib: But it is a really bad image of us, Greys that is.

Ob: I find it quite vulgar to look at let alone handle it.

Ib: I am sure the statue is merely a facade.  It is what is inside that interests me.

Ob: Err, your not going to stick to protocol then?

Ib: Do you really want to explain to the Colony Commission about your attempt to seed a new planet?

Ob: Perhaps you are right but what about the Haxian mercenaries?

Ib: You did get the ship shielded right?

Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 7

Human Interlude #3

J: Mr President we think the incident in Turkey involved a NTI.

Mr President: What is that some form of trading instrument I have never heard of before or perhaps a currency from one of those really small countries like England.

J: Mr President please do not talk like that the walls have ears.

Mr President: I do not see any ears looks flat to me.

J: Well technically the walls in here are curved which is why everything is bent to hell.

Mr President: Language!

J: What hell?

Mr President: No 'bent' we do not want people knowing what I really...

J: But they already..err..Yes Mr President.  Mr Berg your science adviser can best explain it.

Mr Berg: NTI Mr President stands for Non-Terrestrial Intelligence.

Mr President's hair: is there any other kind. 

Mr Berg: What did you say I couldn't hear what you said. Mr President have you been putting that oil I gave you on your hair?

Mr President: I did not say anything. Lets nuke them get rid of two stones with one errr.

Mr Berg: Mr President I think nuking a member of NATO would be a bad idea.

Mr President: How about a tweet, it is amazing how much money you can make with a single tweet.

J: Mr President I think a tweet might be worse than nuking them, remember Bob sir.

Mr President: Bob that bobs around, that's pretty funny.

J: Yes Mr President very droll your wit astounds me at times. Can we get back to the matter at hand Mr President what do you want to do in Turkey.

Mr President: Let them handle it, I'm the President of the United...

J: States sir.

Mr President: Yes I know, have they delivered my new quilt yet with the stars on the inside?

Mr Berg: But Mr President I think we should address the problem in Turkey, this could be a prelude to war by the NTIs.

Mr President's  hair: Only if they are stupid. 

Mr President: I think we should play golf this afternoon if I'm not allowed to blow stuff up or send a tweet it has to be golf.

Mr Berg & J: Yes Mr President.

Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 6

some time ago...

WARNING! WARNING! Anomaly detected!

Initiate Hibernation De-sequence

Signal Located

Initiate Communications

some time now...

Ib: one down two to go.

T1: What did you say?

Ib: I was wondering about the history of the statue you are searching for?

T1: I don't care about history, its a paying job.

Ib: Your just a mercenary then?

T1: Not just a I am The Mercenary!

Ib: I do know a little bit about art myself and that statue looks like it was made by young humans.

T1: I thought you said you hadn't see it.

Ib: I have seen it in images that is why I am here to see it physically.

T1: Really, you came to see something that you say was made by kids. Where exactly are you from?

Ib: Lots of different places.

T1: Really! I think you have more a hands behind your back than you are saying.  I think we need to shake you up.

Ib: Wait! Do not something you may...

T1: Too late.

Ib: OB!!! Why exactly is my face squashed against the ceiling? I can barely move!

Ob: They must be using s-waves to create negative mass. Try resetting the suit it should cancel the waves out.

T1: Who are speaking to?  Who are you?

Ib: Turn both our signals down I cannot reach control.

Ob: One interval.

Ib: One of my other selves just found the RSK, locator is attached.

Ob: Received, well that is an ugly looking thing.

Ib: I can reset the suit now, errr Ob can you do it remotely.

Ob: One interval.

Human Interlude #2

J: Mr President there has been an incident in Turkey. 

Mr President: Agent J are they complaining about the tariffs already. 

J: Mr President my name is not Agent J that was just some film you watched please try to remember that. The incident incurred in the national museum involving a giant tentacled creature. 

Mr President: Perhaps one of the ex-CIA directors knows something? 

J: Mr President you have revoked all their clearances they can't help you. 

Mr President: Maybe Mr Fox on the box knows? 

J: Mr President that box doesn't know everything and it only tells you stuff you want to hear.

Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 5

Ob (over the TCL): Have you still got the artifact?

Ib: Of course, one of my other selves has it. I sent myself to back of the crowd whilst they search for the RSK. Can you please turn down the telepathic communications link, someone is bound to pick it up.

Six vibrations follow another six vibrations then another...

Ob: Remember do not attract attention to yourself.

Ib: I will not have too if you do not turn the link knob into the middle. Besides I think there is something odd about the three driving the mob.

Ob: What do you mean?

Ib: Just set the link to receive only and I will tweak the signal at this end.

T1: Who are you talking to?

Ib: No one.  Perhaps can I ask why are you here?

T1: I'm here to point this gun at you, now shut up.

Ib: I think you misunderstood, I meant why here?

T1: Well if you must know we are looking for a stone statue.

Ib: In a room full of stone carvings.

T1: I saw you as soon as we came in, you were here already, have you got the statue?

Ib: Err what does the statue look like?

T1: It is a stone carving of the three aliens.

Ib: Which sector?

T1: What did you say?

Ib: Well everyone knows you get different aliens from different parts of the galaxy. So I hear on the conspiracy theory...

T1: For a moment there I thought perhaps that you knew more than you are letting on.

Ib: Basically you here to steal from the Muse of Urns?

T1: What did you call this place, its a museum.  We are not stealing merely requiring lost property.

Ib: Have you ever wondered what your life is?

T1: What, no! Well okay a little bit yes.  Why am I even talking to you about this.

Lady: Err excuse me my older gentleman friend here wants to go to toilet.

T1: And?

Lady: The toilets are in the foyer.

Ib: Perhaps I can be of help, why do not you ask your friend over their pointing that metal tube I mean gun and take the sub err Lady and her friend back to the foyer.

T1: I suppose so, its weird having a special place for...

Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 4

Ib: You were right for a change there is a lot flashing lights in the streets let us hope no power cuts occur.

Ob: Remember what Prof.  Zi said about those statements.

Ib: Yes I know it lets the universe know too much, best to keep it in the dark. But the Prof is very very old.

Ob: With way more experience than the two of us put together although I know what you mean. Have you entered the Muse of Urns yet?

 Ib: I'm in.

Ob: No problems getting in, it is open?

Ib: Well mostly.

Ob: What do you mean by mostly?

Ib: It is mostly closed but I found something open and managed to squeeze through even with the suit on.

Ob: You did enter by the front right?

Ib: Maybe.

Ob: Where are you now?

Ib: Looks like a gallery full of carved stones, I thought you had me on the scanner?

Ob: I do but the artifact's energy signature is making the slab go fuzzy.

Ib: Why are you not at the console on the bridge?

Ob: One of the Trilon's you failed to feed earlier bit through an engineering cable.

Ib: Which colour?

Ob: Black with a blue stripe on it.

Ib: Those are normally protected by heavy shields.

Ob: I told you Trilons can be violent.  Back on the bridge now, according to the console you should be right on top of it. Many of the sub-species there?

Ib: Err the place is empty, wait a panug! I think I found it, a stone carving of us.  Well of us that is.

Ob: What do you mean us?

Ib: Looks like three Greys.

Ob: Fine, attach the locator beacon to it and I will transport it up.

Ib: What beacon?

Ob: The one in the return sample kit.

Ib: And that would be where exactly?

Ob: In the suit, the pouch marked RSK.

Ib: This suit has a million and one pouches this might take awhile. Hold on I am picking up vibrations, anything on the scanner?

Ob: There appears to be number of sub-species heading towards your position. Act natural!

Ib: That is easy for you to say.

Ob: I know I just said it.

Ib: They have arrived looks like three of them are pushing the rest my way. They are holding up metal tubes like the one I took off my lunch.

Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 3

Ib: Well it definitely seems a little odd that the density of the hydrogen is so high.

Ob: Perhaps someone else is here?

Ib: Anything showing on sensors?

Ob: No, but they could be blocking us.

Ib: Okay, how exactly will I be communicating with the natives, we still have not found the location of their telepathic nodes.

Ob: Well the information I have gathered points towards that big hole in the front of their heads. Plus we still do not know the function of the holes on either side of their heads.

Ib: But that is the food intake is it not, how disgusting! Well I suppose those two holes could be the telepathic nodes.

Ob: Now the suit can mimic the holes movements whilst you communicate.  I mean all intelligent races have some method of receiving telepathic communication.

Ib: Of course they have to be intelligent first.

Ob: Now I suggest you use the shuttle with the landing lights set to your chaotic play list.

Ib: Why?

Ob: The Communication probes says there is a gathering tonight and the sub-species have already put up a lot of flashing lights so hopefully with the shuttle in hover mode no one will see anything unusual.

Ib: Hiding in plain sight very clever but make sure you have the remote control enabled then just in case.

Ob: You have to enable it in the shuttle first before I do it on the console.  Do not worry I will have an open channel with you at all times.

Ib: That is what worries me, now remember do not you use the teleport on the shuttle unless I say.

Ob: I do not see how you can possibly blame me for any additional pigments you picked up whilst using that teleport.

Ib: My natural pigment is not green, ever!  Admittedly I have picked up a little blue over years but not green.

Ob: And remember when talking to the sub-species do not mention anything to do with your theories, they will not understand them.

Ib: Which theories are you referring to?

Ob: The IOP Paradox for instance, you cannot be telling them anything like that.

Ib: Why? It is almost a fact of life in the known universe.

Ob: Only to you, try not to give them ideas. You complained at me for ruining a primitive planet before.

Ib: But that was art, you cannot mess with that.

Ob: I suggest you have some rations, the gathering starts soon. You are looking a little green round the orbs.  And feed the Trilons whilst you are down in the thruster bay.

Ib: Very funny when did you grow a sense of humour?

Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 2

Ob: Well if you are going to use non-standard form then do not bother. And in answer to your question it was set to 9Waver.

Ib: How exactly does a Chameleon suit disguise itself as nine staggeringly large tentacles?

Ob: Well apparently it is actually nine Chameleon suits joined together and for your information there have been many studies showing that 9Waver creates complex mathematical equations by waving its tentacles.

Ib: Or perhaps it is just waving hello, so you have set the suit to the bipedal sub-species right?

Ob: Yes, it should create you as a crowd of nine different people.  I suggest however avoiding all forms of high energy just in case.

Ib: In case of what?

Ob: Well the suits do operate on bending light waves so it does use up a lot of energy but the wrong sort of energy might cause a disruption in its matrix.

Ib: You are filling me with so much confidence right now.

Ob: Of course, I mean what could possibly go wrong, there is no indication that the species have that sort of technology to cause an issue.

Ib: Right! I just remembered what IGal said about the artifacts being hidden in hydrogen.

Ob: What do mean, how do you hide inside an atom?

Ib: Not the atom. Did not you think it was odd that the hydrogen wall round this planetary system was so dense?

Ob: Well it was a bit foggy.

Ib: A bit, the navigational computer had a mental breakdown we had to coax it back to normal space with images of comets and stars.

Ob: That computer has always been a bit weird, remember that time in the trinary star system of Ben't 4. It insisted on reversing the ship into orbit.

Ib: I seemed to remember that was your fault because you had reversed the polarity on the rear thruster array.

Ob: Not my fault the maintenance guide said that would fix the problem with the ion grill.

Ib: That guide was for the ion grill not the ship.

Ob: But it clearly stated to turn the knob fully to the middle on the back of the thruster array.

Ib: I think you mis-read it, it said Toaster array.

Ob: Why did you put the ion grill in that bay in the first place?

Ib: Because you kept making the entire ship smell of Trilon bait.

Ob: You have feed them you know, if they have not eaten they can be quite violent at times.

Ib: I think perhaps we need to return to the correct orbit and the matter of this artifact.

Ob: Fine, are you saying this planetary system has been hidden on purpose?

Ib & Ob: IOP Paradox Part 1

Ib: No reason, what is that flashing light on the console?

Ob: What light, Oh that light it has been flashing since we came into orbit.  I assumed it was broken.

Ib: Why would you assume that?

Ob: Because it is the artifact light, you know the one that comes with every ship sold.

Ib: The one that is meant to flash in the presence of an immensely powerful artifact, that one?

Ob: Yes, I mean it is a complete Space Purple Panug!

Ib: Language! Besides I happen to know it is all true, which means this trip is not a waste of rotations.

Ob: Really!  How do you know it is true?

Ib: Because of IGal!

Ob: But IGal is a...

Ib: Come on you can say it, you are after all a Rebel! IGal is a what?

Ob: Female!

Ib: There you go how hard was that! How did you think I passed my exams? She was a huge source of data.

Ob: But she not even of our race...

Ib: Not much of a Rebel are you, cannot see even past your own orbs.

Ob: Fine. Well according to the location matrix the artifact is in a Muse of Ums.

Ib: Are you reading that right, what is Ums? Here let me look.  Thought so, that says Muse of Urns.

Ob: Really and what it that exactly?

Ib: Well according to the communication probes a building that contains objects older than the present.

Ob: Perhaps it has been lost in translation, although I suppose it is a good place for an artifact to be. According to the scanner the building is filled with bipeds, you will have to go in disguise.

Ib: Really let me guess your suggesting I wear a Chameleon suit?

Ob: Well I cannot wear it, you know how it affects me.

Ib: Okay, however where did get this suit from?

Ob: One of the Science Club members lent it to me.

Ib: Lent or gave?

Ob: We just need to turn off the default setting to C'raf 4, that was the last place it was used.

Ib: What! C'raf 4 only have two beings on it and there is no proof that either are intelligent.  Which one was it set to the Sand or 9Waver?

Ob: I do wish you would not call them by their shorten names!

Ib: Really you me want to spending sixty rotations saying two names?